


I just want you to be happy

by scorpiusismypatronus



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Also guys, Emotional Abuse, Emotional neglect, Gay, Homophobia, I love will roland, I'm trying my besttttttt, Internalized Homophobia, Jewish Character, M/M, Panic Attacks, homophobic parents, nikolas aka the one author who never stops fckin using dashes, protective!evan, this is like 99 per cent diologue tbh, yo it’s me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 14:21:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13526121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiusismypatronus/pseuds/scorpiusismypatronus
Summary: Evan won't let Jared stay someplace he's not happy





	I just want you to be happy

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: okay so this is based off of a chat fic I wrote, specifically chapter 11. It’s a bmc/deh crossover fic & if anyone wants to read it it’s called Player 1 Online. Anyway if u’ve read that & the story looks familiar I'm not a thief I promise!!! Just an author using his own words, ideas, & plots in like 8 different fics. Also it’s slightly different from the other bc,,,,,,who’s stopping me. also if the timeline is weird I'm sorry I just don't want to figure it out

Title: I just want you to be happy

 

 

 

 

Evan glanced out the window, hearing a noise from outside, and his eyes lit up when he saw Jared’s car. He shoved open the door with his shoulder as Jared stepped out of the car, looking exhausted.

“Hey,” he said, holding out a plate to the other boy as he ascended the porch steps.

“Hey,” said Jared.

“You d-doing alright?” Evan asked. “You seem off. Y-y-you, you haven’t even insulted my stutter yet.”

“I’m fine,” said Jared, biting into the cinnamon roll. “Sorry. I was just — lost in thought, I guess.”

“It’s okay,” said Evan, sitting down cross-legged on the porch. “C’mere.”

Jared sat, looking exhausted, as though he were collapsing rather than sitting.

“Hey, Ev. What do you think about that old philosophy question, ‘when a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, did it make a sound?’”

_When you’re falling in a forest, and there’s nobody around…_

“Just b-because no one, no one heard it d-doesn’t mean it didn’t make a sound.”

_Did I ever really crash? Or even make a sound?_

“Does the tree matter, then? If no one heard it fall?”

_It's like I never made a sound_

“Of course it d-did. Sometimes it’s, it’s, it’s not about b-being heard; it’s about being seen or felt or I d-don’t know— are you okay?”

_Did I even make a sound?_

“I’m fine.”

_It’s like I never made a sound_

Evan noticed the dark purple eye bags under his friend’s eyes. “You can, y’know, t-talk to me about whatever it is t-that’s making you lose sleep.”

_Will I ever make a sound?_

Jared sighed. “It’s nothing.”

_On the outside always looking in_

“Are you, are you sure?”

_Will I ever be more than I've always been?_

“No.”

_Cause I’m tap, tap, tapping on the glass_

“So…” he drew the word out longer and tried to ignore the feelings of panic that were seeping in.

_I’m waving through a window_

“Myparentsfoundouti’mgayandthey’redisappointedinmeandimightgetkickedoutandIdon’tknowwhattodo.”

“Um?”

“My parents found out I’m gay and they’re ‘disappointed in me’ and I might get kicked out and I don’t know what to do.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.” Jared kicked at the autumn leaves on the porch and sighed. “Hey, Ev. Have you ever been in love with someone?”

The question takes him by surprise. “Like have, have I dated someone?”

“Not just someone you dated. But someone you loved, even if you didn’t date them.”

The first person to pop into his mind is Jared. But that’s stupid. He’s not in love with Jared, is he?

“I guess?”

“Imagine just — imagine being killed for that. Or kicked out. Or beat up. I — I lie awake at night and I think of every single way I could be hurt for being gay. And fuck, it’s taken me so long to admit it — I, I, I was saying fuck at ten but couldn’t say 'gay' without wincing until thirteen. And I still hate myself for it. God hates me. The Messiah isn't coming to save people like me. It’s riGHT IN THE BIBLE, EVAN, AND I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH FOR IT. AND IT’S JUST ME. EVERYONE ELSE IS FINE BUT I’M GOING TO HELL FOR FALLING IN LOVE.” Jared seemed to realize he was yelling and his fists were clenched because he let out all of his breath at once and unclenched his hands, breathing deeply for a moment. “I hate — I _hate_ having to lie about who I am.”

“Is it, is it safe for you t-to be at home?”

“Physically, probably. Like 99% yes. But emotionally? Nope.”

“You c-can stay at my place,” Evan offered.

“I don’t want to intrude—“

“My, my mom is never home. And I m-m-mean never. I'll t-tell her we’ve been hanging out t-to do, to do homework or something when she actually decides t-t-to show up.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Jared, of course I'm sure.”

“I don’t have my stuff. Toothbrushes. Pajamas. Whatever.”

“We can g-get it from your house, b-bring it to mine. You’re getting your own drawer here.”

“I — my parents will pick up on the fact that I'm — not moving out exactly, but — leaving them.”

"We lie. Say I need someone to — someone to stay with me because my mom’s on a t-trip. Well… We need t-to get my mom in on t-this. If — if I t-tell her what’s going on with your — with your parents — or if you tell her —“

“My parents would find out.” Jared’s eyes were wide; he looked as though he were close to hyperventilating.

“Jared, breathe. Breathe.”

“I am breathing,” he snapped, taking in a ragged breath.

“Jared.”

“Theyhatemetheyhatemetheyhatemetheycan’tfindoutIdon’twanttobehomelesstheyhateme…”

“They — if — you _won’t_ be homeless because if t-they, if they do kick you out I’ll let you stay with me.”

“Ev…” Evan couldn’t figure out what Jared was trying to say in one syllable but he knew it was something and he knew it was important that he figure it out. “…thank you.”

_He’s staying_! Already, Evan was working out the logistics of it all, where Jared would sleep, how they’d buy him food, how—

“…but I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“My parents would kill me, Evan. They—if I leave I can’t go back.”

“You shouldn’t have t-to go back. You shouldn’t have t-to stay t-trapped someplace you feel unsafe or alone.”

“Other kids deal with much worse bullshit than this. I'm sorry I — I’m sorry I'm being so selfish. I can’t do that to you.” Jared began to stand up, looking like a kicked puppy, almost.

“Jared, you’re not being selfish. You want to be _happy_. Sit back down, we’re talking about this.” He grabbed Jared’s hand to make sure the other boy had to sit down. “You’re, you’re always welcome t-to stay here. When you need t-to, to get out of your house? Or whatever.”

Jared scowled at the leaves but didn’t take his hand out of Evan’s. “You can’t just take in a third person.”

“I’ll get a job. I was a junior park ranger over the summer — I’m — I’m still kind of a t-tree expert — I could like, fucking, water the trees at Home Depot or something?”

“I don’t want to mess up your life with my whining.”

“Jared…”

Jared clenched his jaw and looking closely, Evan could see the look on his face. He was breaking. He might cry and Evan didn’t know what to do because Evan was an idiot and he couldn’t help anyone do anything because he was useless.

“Stop worrying. T-that’s my job,” Evan cracked. Jared let out a laugh mingled with a sob and kept his eyes fixed on his sneakers.

“I just—“

“I’ll t-talk to my mom. I’ll t-tell her that I have a friend who’s having a problem at home and needs t-to get out of his house for a while. And — I’ll figure out how t-to, to tell her it’s you. It’s only a few months t-till the end of senior year, though! And you can t-tell your m-mom, and my mom can tell yours, I mean, t-they’re friends, right? T-that you’re here to give me some, some, some company while she’s out at work or something. This’ll all be okay.”

“Evan—“

“Please, Jared. You can’t stay there when they make you feel like this.”

“Fine.”

Evan felt his heart soar.

“But I’m going to get a job to pitch in with the cost of everything.”

“I’ll t-text my mom t-to-today and t-talk to her t-tonight.”

“I’ll… figure something out. Start packing my stuff, maybe bring it up, whatever.”

“You’re — you can always t-talk to me, y’know. If you need.”

“Thanks, man,” said Jared, shoving his hand inside the pocket of his jeans. 

“Of course,” said Evan, smiling at the other boy. He wasn’t going to let this boy live someplace that made him unhappy or hurt him in any way. He wouldn’t stand for it.

He would protect Jared Kleinman if it killed him.


End file.
